Mashed Potatoes in a Burrito?

It seems like the biggest staple in my life is staring at my hoard of tortillas and deciding fuck it, I’m making a burrito. 

After a certain point in the week, I start to feel guilty about not using up my perishable foods–this mostly comes about because I’m insanely weak and ignore everything except pasta when I have said pasta in my home. This guilt usually just manifests itself with me haphazardly adding some spinach to my alfredo or tiny, chopped pieces of carrots to my chedder-spiral-pasta-sides-things. But my pasta stash has run out.

Now that were all up to speed:

Mashed Potatoes and Microwaved Eggs: the burrito

My potatoes did not look this aesthetic. But, hey, it looks like the kind I used. Thanks, internet.

 

Ingredients

• wheat tortilla??
• 2 eggs, microwaved
• leftover chive and sour cream mashed potatoes
  • I think I had about a cup?
  • but, you know, you do you
• a slice of dope-ass cheese, ripped to bits
  • my friend left some great sliced provolone in her fridge
  • I opened that package so fast
    • it was the fancy Sargento kind
• sunflower seeds
• spices
  • I added garlic powder, mustard powder, & pepper to microwaved eggs
    • I also added a splash of milk
      • exactly a splash
  • some hot sauce?

 

How to Make This Monstrosity

1. Mix eggs, milk, and seasoning in a microwave-safe bowl. Depending on your amount of milk, timing changes a tad. Best bet: put your mixture in for 45 seconds, pull it out and mix it up a bit. If there’s some extra milk in there cause your version of a “splash” is bigger than mine/you hecked up like I’ve done too many times, just put it back in for about 15 more seconds.
2. Heat up your mashed potatoes a lil bit.
   • I did about 30 seconds.
   • It worked out.
3. Put the tortilla on a microwave-safe plate (safety first) and microwave for about 10 seconds.
4. Flip the tortilla and scoop mashed potatoes onto the new side. Spread them out some before throwing the plate back to the microwave.
5. Add eggs to potato. Add ripped cheese of choice to the top of the eggs. Sprinkle on some seeds. Add some hot sauce??
   • Hot sauce is just a nice touch.
   • The seeds add a cool crunch.
     • I have a problem.
6. Roll up your burrito to your liking.
   • I use the classic Taco Bell “V” Wrap© because of my work-past.

 

When you bit into this, you will become overwhelmed by its bland coloring, but, hey, that’s alright. Hollywood has prepared us for that.

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Let’s Pour One Out

So it’s that time of year: my birthday.

Or, more exactly, it’s the two days before. But is that super necessary? I think it might be. I mean, I’m turning 22 years old–that’s a bunch of two’s. You have to enjoy that excessive two-ness.

Well, what do I have to say for myself? I don’t have any grand plans for my birthday; I’m actually driving for five and a half hours to go and see my mom (who wanted to be near “water and relaxation” for her own birthday. Since she’s a middle school teacher, I can get behind that sentimentality. All I deal with are PhD students that get miffed about book recalls and I need that kind of day), and then I might have lunch with a friend to gift her with the apartment keys so my cat can be fed.

Maybe I’m lucky that no one would be here for my birthday, since I’m not feeling celebratory. (I’m looking at you Memorial Day weekend BBQs. I really wish you were a less important holiday because, honestly, then my annoyance with you could be slightly more justified.) I’m feeling like a sorry mess and that’s never fun to be drunk with.

Who knows? Maybe I’ll get some Super Cool™  six-packs of Twisted Tea for my mom and me to drink near some water with her little dogs.

***

Update: My co-workers asked me how I felt, humming the song 22. I said “despair” and we all high-fived. I am, indeed, feeling 22. #confirmed

Egg Salad Wrap??

Snapchat saw it first. My cat saw it second.

Yes. That’s indeed what happened here. I just so happened to have made some egg salad (that was to expire much too soon for me), and I needed to move that out of my fridge. Thus, I threw it in a wrap.

Curious about what was in it?

Ingredients:

• 1 spinach tortilla
• 1 handful of spinach
• 2 long squirts of Honey Mustard dressing
• 1 prolonged dump of cranberry & almond salad topping
• the rest of your egg salad from the fridge
  • hard-boiled eggs + olive oil mayo + paprika + pepper + mustard powder
    • all these added in amounts that you like

The only direction of note is this: make sure that you heat up the tortilla for about 15 seconds before putting everything together. I might have spent (wasted?) four years of my life working with tortillas at Taco Hell, and yet I couldn’t remember this simple fact. Guys, cold tortillas tear.

Would I make this again?

• Yes